Arranged Marriage VS Love Marriage

In modern times, arranged marriage is hardly heard of in Chinese cultures. Although I do not doubt that it might still exist but such occurrences would’ve been rare especially in the city. Interestingly, there is still a large group of people (specifically, parents) practicing this age-old tradition. (Disclaimer – This post is not intended to offend anyone or cause harm. Some of the things described are exaggerated a little (CY’s Style) so please do not take everything as a fact.)

In India, most people will tell you there are 2 types of marriages – Arranged & Love. Some will tell you of the 3rd type of marriage – Hybrid marriage (a cross between Arranged & Love – not an officially recognized term but something I came up with). I’m sure everyone knows what an arranged marriage is. Love Marriage is the opposite where it is the couple’s choice to have the marriage (often, according to my friend, these marriages see the couple running away from homes because their parents do not acknowledge it). Hybrid marriage usually happens like this – after boy meets girl, girl meets boy, fall in love, report it to their parents – parents will then organize a meeting with the opposite party to discuss their terms and conditions. After that, to outsiders, it will look as if the marriage has been arranged. Hybrid is common in the city areas.

Arranged Marriage is a very long and tedious process that “ensures” the couples are fully compatible – caste, astrological compatibility, sun sign, birth sign, family sign, his sign, her sign, all sign. The whole process might take up to 1 month or more. Relatives from both families (but usually is the guy side) will examine the potential candidate. Let’s say a guy is going to get married, his parents will send out “Marriage Invitations – seeking alliances with potential families”. Parents of potential brides or sometimes the bride will send out their CV complete with photos and details of family background and all the signs. The entire family members from parents to uncles, aunties, grandparents will go through each candidate. Potential candidates are then selected from the applications for interviews. Usually it is the uncles and aunts will start drilling the candidate – It makes me wonder if there is a guide book called “Marriage Interviews for Dummies” to help the candidates prepare for the questions.

Like the job market, the matrimonial market also has “hot candidates” which are high in demand. A typical example from the matrimonial section would be – Mr. So&So (B.E. EC), Age:30, occasionally based in US earning 6 figure salary, seeking alliance with slim and fair girl of good family background.
The funny part is that in Singapore, engineers are stereotypically labeled as boring geeks who are not popular with girls. Er… I can feel all the tension and stares from engineers at this comment of mine… but not to worry! (btw, I’m also an engineer – Asst Systems Engineer). To all those engineers who feel so, forget Singapore, come to India! *hint*….. WAH! *SIAM* That flying shoe nearly got me…. =P

Anyway, let me relate two stories regarding arranged marriage of two of my colleagues. The first one is about a guy who is so keen on getting married but his parents want him to wait. This friend of mine is 24years old. His parents think that it is too early for him to get married. So, to “encourage” his parents, each time his friends get married, he would call his mother to report and ask when it would be his turn. Until now, he is still waiting but I think recently his parents agreed to marry him by the end of next year. We’ll see how. His case is the “voluntary” one.

The second case is “half-half” voluntary. Basically, the guy’s parents have decided that it is time for him to get married. His parents issued an ultimatum to him – “Find a girl by the end of November this year or else we will arrange one for you”. To me, this was a totally hilarious issue but I’m sure he does not think so. This guy is now frantically assessing every girl he comes across.