An Indian Wedding Ceremony I Attended

An Indian Marriage (Engagement Ceremony)

Yesterday my friends and I had the pleasure of being invited to one of our colleague’s wedding ceremony. Actually this particular ceremony I attended was a “compact” wedding ceremony for Indians (of course, length of ceremonies varies depending on their castes). Some castes have the wedding ceremonies for a few days while other castes have it for a day. This particular one I went to was a “compact ceremony”. I did not really attend the real wedding ceremony but instead a betrothal ceremony (aka engagement). Her wedding is held a day after this betrothal reception.

Anyway, somewhat similar to Chinese wedding receptions, the guests will usually bring gifts (money is also included but instead of angpows, it is sealed in a normal envelope) for the bride and bridegroom. On a side note, I just learnt that one (from a movie) should say “Congratulations” to the bridegroom and “Best Wishes” for the bride.

The ceremony was held in a marriage hall on the 4th floor of a building quite far from office and the place I live. It’s situated near Anna International Airport (aka Chennai Airport – 40mins by taxi to where I stay). Initially my friends and I had some expectations of how the ceremony would be like and how the hall will be decorated. This is because there is also a marriage hall at Mylapore (the area where we stay). Here, almost every night this month, people hold grand wedding ceremonies there with beautiful lightings and decorations. There were so many types of food being served – buffet style. This particular ceremony I went to was not as grand but still it was a good new experience. I know the other ceremony would cost a whopping amount of money. Indian marriages are not cheap you know, usually have to spend about Rs.5lakhs if one arranges for a 3day marriage with food, accommodation all provided for friends and relatives. (1lakh = 100,000; Rs5lakh=S$25,000)

I had a colleague (ex-teacher) who was kind enough to share about the Indian culture and tradition. He emphasized a lot that during the reception, it is very important for “ensuring that all guests are well taken care of”. Usually, it is the bride’s family to make sure that all guests have enough food to eat and a comfortable place to sleep. Oh yes – dowries are paid from the bride’s family to the bridegroom’s family unlike Chinese traditions. In Chinese traditions, the groom has to pay dowries to the bride because (I don’t know whether it is true or not but… anyway) it is like paying the parents of the bride for taking good care of his wife before they are married. So, can we say this as a service charge by the bride’s family? =P

On the other hand, traditionally in Indian families, when the bride is married, the family would send money/dowries to her to “ensure she is well and have enough”. (Her husband not good enough to support her? I don’t know….) Basically, it is the parents of the bride concerned for her welfare so they give money to the bride often after marriage. Somehow, this tradition evolved into paying dowries for the marriage. Maybe because of this, most of the Indian men I met here like to spend lots of time in the toilet combing their hair, freshening up unlike in Singapore. There are also a lot more men clothes shops and perfumes being sold here than for women. Indian men who went through college and working in IT firms are hot in the market not only for their skills but their “marriageability”. Anyway, before I digress too much, I’ll return to the main topic – the ceremony I went to.

We arrived at the ceremony relatively early – 720pm when the ceremony was said to start at 730pm on the invitation card. Just like Chinese weddings, many people come late and the event started at only about 830pm. Chairs were laid out in the hall in the usual way facing the stage where a group of people were having “karaoke” session. Initially I thought it was just like Chinese dinner receptions with people having karaoke sessions except without TV. To substitute the TV, there were 3 books of lyrics which they keep swapping and a live band to perform the music. Only later I realized it was hired performers… Hahaha… At the side of the stage, two chairs were set up specially (just like Malay weddings).

When the main event began, there was a group of traditional Indian musicians to play the drums and pipe. It was starting but the bride and groom is still no where to be seen. However, at the place where the two special chairs were, the families of the bride and groom gather on each side of the chair, sitting on the floor. They had some baskets with them which I didn’t really understand what. When the basket was passed from one of the family members to the other, people started to clap. Ceremony suddenly done and we were guided downstairs to the dining hall.

Well, here is where the term – “When in Rome, do what the Romans do” is enforced. My friends and I had to eat with our hands because there are no plates, spoons or fork. Instead, we have a big pandan leaf as plate. In city marriages, food is arranged and served by the caterer onto the pandan leaves. In villages, the relatives of the bride will do the serving although the food is cooked by caterers. Here, we were served by the relatives as well (usually for 2nd servings) – because as stated earlier – very important to ensure guests are well taken care of. In addition, all food served are vegetarian irregardless. There was quite a variety of food and quite tasty also (or was it my fingers?)

After dinner, we went back up to the hall and queue to take pictures with the bride and bridegroom. (When did they get there???) After that, event was over. It felt quite sudden but I suppose it was just a betrothal ceremony. The real wedding ceremony is held the next day but I have work… so can’t attend. Overall, it was an interesting ceremony.
(I know I have written a freaking long essay here... =P ... what to do?)